I am Gonna Make it Through This Year if it Kills Me

February 4, 2019
February 4, 2019 Brittany

Things don’t always go exactly as we planned. There’s that great quote that goes something like this:

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”

Please make sure you read my disclaimers if you haven’t already.

My life has definitely not gone according to plan. But I’m not going to let that stop me.

Let me tell you a little bit about what has happened to bring this up.

After almost 2 years of dating, my boyfriend and I decided to end things. Neither of us has been in a good mental state recently. It seemed as if we were each becoming detrimental to the other person. So we called it.

Of course, break ups are never fun. But this one brought along its own challenges for me.


I had moved in to his apartment less than 6 months ago, but I definitely made the place my home. We were using my bed, my nightstands, my TV, etc. So just packing up and moving out isn’t exactly easy. There’s also the fact that I had nowhere else to go. All of my friends have moved out of the area or have other places to live. I still have work in this area, so moving back home (well over an hour away) was out of the question.

Luckily, in stepped my wonderful cousin who lives just a bit outside of the city where I work. I’m staying with her for a short time.


To say I’ve gotten sort of spoiled these past couple of months would be an understatement. Sure, we weren’t living in my dream apartment and we were fairly far away from the city. But I wasn’t paying rent. I paid for a storage unit (where I kept most of my things) and I helped pay for utilities.

But to live rent free for 5 months? You get used to some things.

Like eating out! I’ve never been one to eat out much — I used to keep it to once a week or less — but without rent to pay, I suddenly had a lot more expendable income. You know what that means? RESTAURANTS!

I’ve been eating out probably 5-6 times a week since we moved in together. Sure, I’ve saved up some of my extra income and I’ve used it to “treat myself” on occasion (oh hai there new gaming PC!)

For the most part, though, I’ve been grabbing food and drinks with friends.

I’ve looked at my income and current expenses and have made up a new budget with the necessities. But going form eating out almost every day to only once a week is probably going to be hard for me now!

Mental Health

I already mentioned this, but my mental health been playing such a huge part in this I have to mention it again.

I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression for a while now. It basically seems like it’s just a part of me at this point. To have my entire life ripped out from under me is definitely not ideal.

Since the breakup, I’ve definitely been struggling even more. The stress of having to get all of my things out of the apartment, find a new place to live, buy furniture I didn’t need before, etc is building up. It’s hard. Not to mention the process of having to tell everyone we know that “yeah, we’re not together anymore.”

I had recently stopped seeing my therapist because she moved offices and the new one was just way too far for me. What a great time for all of this to happen, right?

But I found a therapist who will meet with me via webchat — no more having to worry about switching therapists because of location again!!

I’m not going to get into everything that’s going down, but now you get the gist of it.

Things are tough for me right now.

My cousin was amazing for letting me stay with her, but it’s so far from my job and the commute is a nightmare.

Plus she’s been living alone and has her own way of doing things that I don’t always understand, so we clash a bit.

We don’t have great internet in her house, so I’m having to put streaming to Twitch on hold. That’s really painful because I’d love to be with my Twitch family right now and just joke around. I can’t even watch a stream without it buffering so much I’m a solid minute behind!

I’m stressing a bit about money because, like I said, I’m going to be paying rent again and really need to reel in my spending.

My depression and anxiety are through the roof, so I’m hoping this new therapist will work out. In the back of my mind, I’m a bit worried she won’t.

So yeah, things are tough. But they’re going to get so much better.

Sure, I’m facing some challenges right now. But I have so much to look forward to!

New Apartment

My new apartment is absolutely GORGEOUS.

It’s right in the city where I work and it has an amazing industrial feel. There’s an amazing rooftop with a lounge area and a pool that overlooks the skyscrapers. I’m already dreaming of my new life up there.

And this will be my first time really living by myself!! I moved out of my parents house basically as soon as I could, but I’ve always had a roommate of some kind.

So this will be the first time I truly get to make a space 100% my own. I’m so excited to decorate and make it feel like ME.

New Adventures

I’m going to enjoy my time being single. I’ve never been someone who needs to be in a relationship and that’s not going to change now.

I’m going to take some time to love myself and do what I want. I’m excited to explore my city even more and hopefully plan some more trips. I’m still going to have to reel in my budget, but I know there’s a lot I can do without having to spend a fortune.

Something I’ve really been wanting to try is going around to different areas and painting the scenery!

I’ve also made a list of my “someday” adventures in my Todoist. I’m looking forward to spending this year planning each trip out! Some of them are fairly close (within like 4 hours) and some are across the globe!

New Glo

With my own space and more time dedicated to me, I’m excited to take GamerGlo even further than I ever imagined! I’m going to have almost 0 commute (yeah, that’s how close my new apartment is to my job!) and I’m not going to have anyone else’s schedule to worry about.

So that means more time for what I want to do!

I’m currently in the process of determining my new goals for GamerGlo — that means this blog, my social channels, and Twitch. I have so many amazing ideas and I can’t wait to work on them all.

My overall goal is basically to make GamerGlo a second job for me — something that brings me joy but can also bring me income! So definitely keep an eye out for that and we’ll all see just what I do next!

My life is changing. It may suck a little bit right now, but it is definitely changing for the better.

What’s that cheesy old saying?

“When one door closes, another opens.”

I’m not waiting for any doors to open now. If they don’t open for me, I’m going to knock them down and pave my own new path. I’ve got things to do and I’m not going to let anything stop me now.

With this new found motivation and insight, I’m going to make the life I’ve always wanted for myself.

Just wait and see.

I will be updating this blog weekly and trying to stay up to date with social media, but my Twitch channel will be on hiatus until after I move. Move in date is March 14, so I’m hoping to get all moved in and get everything set up for a stream revival on March 18!! Mark your calendars! We will have a brand new stream schedule, so keep an eye out for that as well!

Like I said, I’ve got a lot of exciting new things planned for this new year and I will be keeping you updated through all of these channels.

Make sure you’re keeping up to date with this journey. Follow this blog — on wordpress, on bloglovin, on feedly, just wherever you read blogs — and don’t forget to drop a hello in the comment section below!

Everyone’s going through their own challenges every single day, so if you need some advice or even just want to vent a bit, feel free to do so in the comments. Or, if you’d like things to remain a bit more private, email me at gamerglo@thebrittanylee.com. I’m always here to listen.

Keep Gloing.

[[Post title is from lyrics to a Mountain Goats song]]

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